Goodbye to My Nonna

July 31, 2011

Day 2

Woke up this morning at 5:45am and decided to just stay up and enjoy some quiet morning time to myself while my men slept.  I puttered around for a few and found myself in the little corner of the dinning room that we designated for the play corner, right by one of the front windows.  I looked up to see a hummingbird, hovering right in outside the window at eye level. I watched it for a few seconds and then it flew away. I was instantly reminded of my Great Aunt Stephanie who passed from this world several years ago and who’s love of hummingbirds has rendered her inseparable by association.  Stephanie was a beam of light if there ever was one and she had a tremendous influence on the picture I made for my own future as a young woman.  I spent weeks of the summer every year at her house in Virginia, climbing trees, eating ice cream and swimming in the pond with the dozens of family members and friends that would flock there each year.  We all loved her and Uncle Kenny, and the joy they shared with us at “Camp Grandpa”, but for me the experience went far beyond the joys of family time or even just being on vacation.  This was the only “camp” I ever knew, and for those who have had a life-altering summer camp experience (and I know many) this carries special significance on many levels.  But while all of this is completely related and tied into my new country-living experience, it’s not the main reason I was so moved by seeing the hummingbird in my window this morning.

Last night, I received a call that my Nonna, at age 93, passed on from this world after a very long period of illness and in-home care.  She was the steadfast Matriarch of my mother’s side of the family for all of my life. Though a silent and virtually absent presence the past several years, she has been in all of our thoughts and we have already experienced the hole left by her absence at Christmas and other family affairs and occasions.  She will be missed as the only Grandmother I ever knew, fulfilling several of the classic roles a granny might throughout my life. She got to be part of my wedding and got to meet her Great Grandson, and for that I am grateful.  He has a knowledge of her as “Bees”, his own shortening of “Bis Nonna”, Great Grandmother in Italian. 

Now, I believe that the spirits of those who we have loved and who have passed on can visit us and communicate with us in little ways, and this morning, I felt that hummingbird to be my Aunt Stephanie, reminding me why I’m here and that we are on the right path, though we have had to leave loved ones behind and will continue to be absent for some important happenings, occasions and everyday events.  I do regret not being able to see my Nonna one last time, but I am also glad that my memory of her and certainly my son’s memory is at least one of a woman who was able to sit and speak and see him running around, enough to marvel at how he looks like I did when I was little. 

So after being on this new and exciting path for 2 days, we will be journeying back to New York for a funeral and perhaps taking some time to look for our beloved Bobble, who ran away during our last day in the old house.        

I have continued to unpack slowly today, getting a bit done in the kitchen and a little here and there in whatever room Gabriel meanders to.  I will be glad to get to the photos (whenever that happens) and I can show my little boy some pictures of his mommy and “Bees”.  I think that will be the best way for him to connect to her in some way.